Oh! Hello there! You made it!
Please sit down, you look like you've had a hard day. Let me massage your feet for you....
What's that? Too forward? Okay, yeah, you're right. How about we just start with a cup of coffee? What's our coffee like?...Well I'm glad you asked.
We start by waking at 2:42am. We stretch, throw on our ceremonial komono...then we wait. When the sun is at its highest point exactly above the Prime Meridian we wake our teams of coffee roasters, taste testers, mustache waxers, and horse whisperers. The entire entourage makes its way towards our fleet of rainbow Vespas and ride "V-formation" to the coffee docks. We dismount the Vespas and board a dragon boat floating on a river of crisp, freshly brewed Bookcase coffee. Our flavor-ologists extract the freshly brewed coffee from the river, at which the sorcerer who live on the dragon boat (his name is Stan), transforms the coffee back into whole beans.
So to recap, a small army riding Vespas and Dragon boats makes your coffee with the help of a Stan the Sorcerer. In other words...the coffee is good.
People need two things in life. Coffee, and a little bit of levity.